My First Book Signing!

If you're in the New York City area on July 27th, 2013...come and meet a bunch of amazing authors for a BOOK SIGNING.  Oh, God!  I'm soooo excited.  I don't even know if I'll be able to stay at my own table and not fan girl over everyone else.
Check out the link and come and join us!
http://www.theoccasionalist.com/signingEvent/info/6

MIA

Holy crap, it's been like 2 months since I've blogged.  Sorry.
I've been busy trying to finish Shane's point of view.  And honestly, I absolutely hate it and I sometimes wish I never said I wanted to get in his head and write it, because he's sort of making me want to rip my damn eyeballs out.  The only reason I wanted to write his point of view was because I wanted to see if I could change the voice of the story, NOT the STORY.  The story doesn't change, but I really want it to, because I see all the holes I've left there and I want to kick myself hard in my ass.
Anyway, I've learned a lot of things about myself doing this exercise.  1) I dislike talking to men about women, because I end up wanting to either smack them or have nasty filthy sex with them 2) I really can't write the shit that I imagine in my head, my imagination is so much better that what gets typed on my computer and 3) I really like hiding from my family in my new attic/office/girl cave.
There is also the matter of this other story that has been streaming through my brain for the last few months.  Little by little I have been typing down little notes about the characters and the story and my notes are now a 20,000 word freaking document that is a monster.  Yeah.
I'm sorry that I'm rambling, but as I type (not in my girl cave) my seven year old is spinning around in circles screaming and my almost three year old is sitting on the edge of the couch above my head repeating Humpty Dumpty and throwing herself on the ground to 'crack like a big fat Easter egg.'
My husband is working all night, doing a wrap (2 shifts in a row), the lucky fuck.
So, I'm almost finished with Shane.  If you haven't heard, the title is Scars and Songs.  And someone, NOT ME, put the book up on Goodreads and lots of wonderful awesome people have put it on their to-read list, and I love you all for that and for having faith in me...and patience with me and my crazy ass life since the hurricane.  In the next month or so, the amazing Sarah Hansen from OkayCreations will be designing the cover and in about two-three weeks I'll be emailing my file to an editor.  And that's it.  There will be no more Shane or Grace.  I think my problem with the whole thing is the paranormal part of it,  I hate it.  It could have been done so much better, but I'm still learning all about writing, especially that stupid crap called grammar.  Take for instance these two sentences (I love this example)... 1) It's time to eat Grandpa!  2) It's time to eat, Grandpa!  Yeah.  Oh and spelling, holy shit on a stick, if it wasn't for spellcheck - you wouldn't understand anything I typed.
On the hurricane front.  My house is almost back to normal. There's still so much more to do, but we're making awesome progress and I've gotten used to living without lots of things.  Oh, and Phil moved out, about 2-3 weeks ago and if he comes back I think I may kill him.
I've been asked to do a few book signings lately, and I finally said yes to my first one!  It'll will be sometime this summer, but I can't tell you more than that until everything is set in stone.  I'm kind of excited about it, just because I want to met all the other authors who will be there.  I'm the ultimate fangirl.  I swear I hope I don't embarrass myself in front of them...too much.
I'm rambling.  And now my daughters are dragging each other around on the floor with their bedsheets, sliding across the floor and something just broke.  FUCKSHITFUCK!  That's my cue to get the hell off the computer and clean something up.  Sorry if there's lots of mistakes.  Love you all!  XOXO

Slow Going...

Yeah…so Shane’s POV which is titled Scars and Songs (thank you Tracy!) is still going slowly…let me explain just a little peek of my life as I try to work…

Conversation in my house last night while I TRIED to write…

Let me set the scene.  I’m in the dining room.  My mother (she’s living with us since the Hurricane sleeping in Hailey’s room) is OCD (I think so)… cleaning stuff as usual, like, as we sit at the table, she’s just cleaning everything…putting away and wiping down stuff we are STILL using.  Emmy the two year old is running in a circle in front of an extremely loud TV episode of Annoying Orange (worst show ever) screaming.  Phil our childhood friend (manwhore) who has been staying with us since a really bad (bat-shit crazy ass bitch) break-up in August is sitting at my kitchen island listening to me bounce ideas off him.  My husband is hiding somewhere else (lucky fuck).  Hailey my 6 year old is next to me writing her own book about Shane and Grace (little brat is a much better writer than me AND she draws pictures too)…

Me: I sat down with Dan (my husband) and he went through everything I need to know to make sure I write the correct crap that will make Shane end up in jail in that scene, ya know?  Oh spank me!  (I dropped my water all over the table and yes I do yell spank me when I do stupid shit)  My mother sweeps in an cleans the water before I can even lift my computer up…

Phil: yeah

My mom: Can I read it yet?

Hailey: Why is Shane going to jail?

Me: Because in my book everybody thinks he hurt Grace.  It’s just make-believe.

My mom: Can I read it yet?

Phil: Did you make dinner yet?

Me: Seriously, shut up.  Make your own damn dinner.

Hailey: I think Shane should tie Grace up!  But, I’m hungry what’s for dinner?

Emmy: TIE ME UP!  TIE ME UP WITH STRINGS!

Me: What the hell is happening?

Phil: Who’s getting tied up?

Hailey: Shane is going to tie Grace up and spank her.  Then he’s going to jail.  Daddy will take him!

Me: Wait!  What?  Grace doesn’t get spanked.  She gets stabbed by the bad guy.

My mom: Can he stop here with Shane first?

Hailey: He stabs her?  HE needs to be tied up!

Me: Shane is NOT the kind of guy that would get tied up sweetie, laugh giggle.

Hailey: I thought Shane and Grace loved each other!  Do they kiss like I want to kiss Gregory. (Yeah, she has a boyfriend in her class named Gregory, grrr.)

Me: If you kiss Gregory again your lips might fall off.

Phil: Yeah…fall off.

Emmy: Tie Hailey up! (Somehow she has string and is now trying to tie up Hailey)

My mom: Did she get that yarn from my bag?  Is that kid going through my stuff?  I was making a freaking scarf!

Hailey: Emmy tie me up and you be Gregory and spank me!

Me:  What the EFF?  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

Dan: (peeks head out of hiding) She’s so her mother.

Me: SHUT UP!

My mother: Um.  When’s my apartment going to be finished? This is just too strange for me.

Yeah…

Then I had to cook dinner.  Twice.

Don’t even ask.

I effing ended up eating cookies.

Mad World Crap You Don't Need!

I just opened up a site on Cafe Press where you can buy crap you don't need!  Yay!  And all the crap has Mad World Logos on it!  Wooowhoooo!
My favorite is the pajamas and flask.  Did I mention the flask?  Send me pictures if you buy stuff!
http://www.cafepress.com/ChristineZolendzMadWorld

Interview with SHANE MAXTON!

Head on over to http://aestasbookblog.com/christinezolendz/ to read an interview with me and Shane Maxton AND a little snippet of the newest Mad World Book from Shane's Point of View!

Ask An Author Giveaway!

ASK AN AUTHOR GIVEAWAY

Readers, this one is for you!!

Do you have a question you’d like to ask your favorite author(s)?  ME?

Is there anything you’ve ever wanted to ask your favorite character(s)?  SHANE, GRACE, LEA, ANY character from the MAD WORLD SERIES!

Now is your chance to submit any questions you have.

AND it's not just me.  Check out the 22 days of 22 amazing authors that you can win stuff from, read about and HOLY CRAP, just be PART of this!!!

Starting December 10th and running every, single day until December 31st, I’m going to be hosting a series of “Author Days”.

Each day will feature one of our fav authors and include:

• Interviews.
• Teasers and snippets for upcoming books.
• Cover reveals.
• and…
• DAILY GIVEAWAYS!!!!(Signed Copies, Paperbacks, eBooks, ARCS, you name it…)

THE SCHEDULE

• Dec 10  ~  Tara Sivec  ….. author of Seductions & Snacks
• Dec 11  ~  Cherrie Lynn  ….. author of Leave Me Breathless
• Dec 12  ~  Michelle Leighton  ….. author of Down To You
• Dec 13  ~  J. A. Redmerski  ….. author of The Edge of Never
• Dec 14  ~  Jessica Sorensen  ….. author of The Secret of Ella and Micha
• Dec 15  ~  Kristen Proby  ….. author of Come Away With Me
• Dec 16  ~  Christine Zolendz  ….. author of Fall From Grace
• Dec 17  ~  S.C. Stephens  ….. author of Thoughtless
• Dec 18  ~  R. K. Lilley  ….. author of In Flight
• Dec 19  ~  Samantha Towle  ….. author of  The Mighty Storm
• Dec 20  ~  Katja Millay  ….. author of The Sea of Tranquility
• Dec 21  ~  A.L.  Jackson  ….. author of When We Collide
• Dec 22  ~  Alice Clayton  ….. author of  Wallbanger
• Dec 23  ~  Priscilla Glenn  ….. author of  Back To You
• Dec 24  ~  Tina Reber  ….. author of  Love Unscripted
• Dec 25  ~  Kristen Ashley  ….. author of  Mystery Man
• Dec 26  ~  Tracey Garvis Graves  ….. author of On The Island
• Dec 27  ~  Nicole Williams  ….. author of Crash
• Dec 28  ~  Katie Ashley  ….. author of The Proposition
• Dec 29  ~  Natalie Ward  ….. author of I Love You To Death
• Dec 30  ~  CJ Roberts  ….. author of Captive In The Dark
• Dec 31  ~  Colleen Hoover  ….. author of Slammed

All the participating authors have graciously accepted to answer some interview questions.

YOU get to choose which questions they are asked!!! 

Here’s what you have to do: Go to  http://aestasbookblog.com/giveaway-ask-an-author/ and take part in this AMAZING month of questions, giveaways, and fun stuff!

Nothing to do with Anything

This has nothing to do with anything.

So why am I even bothering?  Beats the crap outta me.  But I will.  Just because I think it might be fun.  And sometimes when life is kicking your ass, you need to take some time and giggle a little.  Just a little chuckle.

For some strange reason many of my readers think it’s an important question to ask…how old I am.  Why the eff anybody would wanna know that is beyond me. 

Hmmm.  Does it make a difference?  Do I write from my life experience, am I too young to know things, too young and don’t have certain experiences, or am I too old to not remember things, or be so far from the real youth of today? I dunno.  

I don’t believe that any of that shit has to do with being a storyteller.  I’ve met six year olds that have, unfortunately, more life experience than me.  And I’ve also met sixty year olds that have lived such a sheltered life they’ve never driven a car or been on a vacation farther than 20 miles from their home.

But I’ll humor some of you.  Because I think it’ll be fun.  And those of you who are my age, you’ll just know…these will sound familiar to you…

When I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog.  And we could walk there by ourselves, because it was freaking safe.

My home computer was a Commodore 64.

There was no email. We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pencil! Then you had to walk all the way across the dam neighborhood and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there. Stamps were 10 cents!

Payphones were 10 cents too!

We didn't have any fancy Wii or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics. We had Atari, with games like Space Invaders and Asteroids. Your character was a little square and you actually had to use your effing imagination.  And there were no multiple levels or different screens, it was just one flipping screen...And you would never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died. Just like LIFE!

I learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still carry the emotional scars to this day.  Especially because I was so damn young and I was thrown into the pool without the help of those floaty things kids wear today!

When King Kong came out I was so young that when I saw him on the top of the Empire State building (I lived in NYC) I really thought the damn gorilla was 10 miles away from me and I was just as cute as the chick he took so he might just take me too.

Seat belts were just suggestions and we all rode in the back of the station wagon (or hatchback) and faced the cars behind us in the "tail gunner" position.  We stuck our tongues out, flipped people the bird, and mooned the drivers behind us without being shot at.

I rode on the back of my dad’s Harley without a helmet and we never got stopped.

Jordache jeans were really cool.

I effing LOVED Scott Baio, he could have been in charge of me any damn day.

The older girls in my school feathered their hair.  Mine was too damn curly.

I wore BIG ASS glasses.  And not on purpose.

I was in love with Randy Rhoads, the guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne.  When his plane crashed I locked myself in my room for days and didn’t eat.  I took out my Ouija Board and tried to speak to him.  I’m still waiting for his answer.

Motley Crue’s Girls, Girls, Girls was ALL about me.

Fragile Rock was freaking awesome.

Friday the 13^th movies were the best!

I had a VCR, a Record Player and a BOOM box.  And my boyfriend had a beeper.  When I needed him to call quick I beeped him 911, when I wanted to say I love you it was 777, when I was doing something bad it was 666, when I just wanted to say hi I beeped 07734 and when I wanted to fool around I beeped him 69.  I married that kid.

It was cool when boys had long hair.

HAIR bands rocked.  Yes, I was a metalhead.  I still am.

Grunge was awesome when I was in college.  A bunch of my college friends were in Nirvana’s Smells like Teen Spirit video because they all stayed out of classes that day to it.  I just forgot where to meet them.  Ookkayy.  I was fighting a killer hangover.

I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old.

I’m old enough to drink at a bar and SOMETIMES I get carded.

I do not believe that high school was the best time of my life.  I don’t freaking remember it, just the cutting classes parts and hanging out with my friends.  And it wasn’t REALLY frowned upon when we hooked up with the younger teachers. I did love my biology class.

So, yeah.  That's how old I am.